Got into a fight with him. Because he saw TW where I'm beside him.
I remember that the most.
Because there is where I was nearly crying and my friends saw.
They asked me not to be that way. They tried to help me make him feel better.
TW told me to tell him something and I did. The next message in is saying that. "wow. got improvement. =D"
I smiled and slowly laughed abit. Really happy to see him say that.
On the way back. To my house.
Alot was passing through my mind.
- I know I won't be better without him, but will he be better without me.
- Feel like breaking my phone in half.
- making him feel angry again I hate myself more.
- don't feel like going home.
- this might happen again, can he take it. No i don't think so. who can?
- Didn't like the way he asked me to 'explain myself' brings up bad memories.
- I still love him, should I tell him? no it'd sound weird.
- I hate my life very much. Should I say it out that time? No. It'd sound weird making things worse.
- "Sorry I kept quiet and didn't explain in the other way round I got angry. Afraid I would cry out loud." Should I have said that? Couldn't talk so much.Felt dizzy and tired. Might be because I was hungry.
- What should I say what should I say? I can't keep quiet like this. But if I tried to talk I'll cry worse.
- I don't want to see anyone that time. Just want to hide in my room.
Dropped my bag. Ignoring my mum calling for me.
Grabbed my pillow push it down on to my face until i can't breathe and scream.
Indeed my marks weren't good.
Really really angry with myself. In this situation, there should be more people saying "Ya la. You should have do this this this, shoudn't done that that that." Only if I told anyone about my situation. Yea I'll be facing more people telling how I sucked how I screwed.
As i was about to message him. His message came in. Then we chatted awhile until this message came in. My day went worse." Facebook I decide to lock le.. Really sien.. Later I angry over some of my own small problem.. Go tution la.. Tata"
I replied tata too. Didn't know what to say anymore. Then the next message even worse.
"Dunno what to say le.. Dun bother bout me la.. Dear keep doing I dun like de things.. So be it.. I won't care le.. Very lazy and tired.. Very sien.."
That's okay. My fault to blame. Then after tuition. My stomach killing me. No food since morning just bread.Dizzy. about to faint. his message made me awake. all he answer.
"O.. OK.." All short message. Like he doesn't want to answer me. really don't wan care don't want bother. Ignore Ignore Ignore. Fine. After my dinner.
I message him again. Asked him has he studied for tomorrow's exam. He say he has been doing absolutely nothing. Great. Wanted to tell him about my marks I got. No. better not I was thinking keep this to myself. Wanted to tell him I was sorry stop being like that. Doing this to himself it's a shield. For me.Blocking me from him.
He kept indicating he don't want to study and stuff like that.
Messages of him keeping my heart being squeezed all the time..
"Work hard? for what? Try everthing so hard for what? Think so much for what? Sorry if i make ur mood worse.. Next time I no mood I lock myself up.."
"I'm tired.. That's all."
"I'm tired of you."
"I don't think you want to take this relationship seriously."
"Sorry I hurt you. To be fair.. You hurt me too.. Not only a single day.."
"Giving up on you I won't.. Just giving up in trying.. Learning how not to bother and jealous.."
"Return your freedom." (I don't have freedom. What is it to return.)
No comments:
Post a Comment