It is very important how you look at life cause, you're the one alive, you decide what you see.
With that said, I have started my path on positivity, and that led me to realize the behavior of my family. Which was quite depressing honestly.
I started to realize,
- member 1 is easily triggered. Anything they see did not fit in their rules of their own brain, you gon' get it from them.
- member 2 was always grumpy, in a bad mood, would find reasons to just go at you.
- member 3 always caught up their own thoughts and will spit nasty things at you going after your behavior judging you especially when they are in a shit mood. (trust me you don't wanna get caught up in that shit storm)
- member 4 which i think is the most sane one, although they would go on laughing over nothing. But at least there's no negativity there. They would smile for most of the time they spent with their family member.
When I first came home after graduating, I thought to myself did I not perform well enough, was I not good that member 1 and 2 would act this way. All my life I've been trying to please them, trying to have them be proud of me. It was painful to deal with them being this way.
Everytime I catch member 2 in a bad mood I would blame myself for doing something wrong. But actually, did I?
I've started to let loose now, too much stress and life burden stacked on my head. It is time that I stopped caring so much. Learn to be like member 3, be on the surface, care when it is extremely needed, sniff in disinterest when there's negative comments and feedback, in other words, be a little more selfish.
I'm trying to do that now. I'm trying to shape my life better so that I'm not always that depressed squirt in the corner and moping with a thunder cloud on top of her head.
And this he taught me. I'm learning, and trying to love myself a little better than I used to.
It's prime time now that I live, for me.
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