Every second hurts.

Just being there makes me really unhappy.
I have to watch everything i say.
Every single word.
Just one thing being said wrongly.
And people snaps at me.
I'm not scared.
I'm just sick of it.
I'm not that easy to be bullied.
I just want to maintain my pride.
Rather than shouting and defending myself.
Wasting such effort over useless things.
thats what i feel so tired and sick about.

I was there when you guys have any problems.
And not even one of you asked how am I.
when i was feeling so upset.

I hugged my pillow for comfort.
when there is none to comfort me.
I cried myself to sleep.
when there is not a shoulder to cry on.
My music player sings music to me.
While nobody else is singing for me.

Even if you guys didn't ask how am I.
I wanted to tell you guys.
Every time I was in college.
It felt like hell.
And i would think of you guys.

I pretend that you guys actually ask how am I.
I want to tell you guys.
I miss you all when I was there.
I felt like crying everytime i know that you guys won't be with me.

I know you guys won't comfort me.
And you guys never did.
And thats because.
we live too perfect as a group.
and there was not a single problem that will make me this unhappy.
and comforting is not needed.

i understand.
i will cope.
 and

Private message to SNOOPY.
o0o fuck off. stop provoking me.
i really will respond.
and you won't like it.
I'm not someone you would want to bully.
so. o0o fuck off.

JW