I'm sick sick sick sick sick... So sicK siCK sICK SICK!

I cried myself to sleep last night.
Ahh i feel so much better,
I couldn't cry at all seeing all these shit.
Then last night when i was listening to my Hi-5 player.
I was listening to 害怕by JJ.
And started singing along.
Then i started crying. =-=
Hmm..

I wonder living in my own box hurts anyone.
lol.
my dad keep telling me i can't live alone in this world.
I KNOW! DUH?? Who doesn't know that.
He keeps repeating to me.

They always say.
BE YOURSELF.
Whatever you do.
BE YOURSELF! Nothings stopping you.

Well thats a big fat LIE.
A LIE IT IS!

What I've learn is,
If you're being yourself too much.
Not everyone likes you.
Not everyone tries to know you.
Thats a stupid stupid LIE.

Anyway... I choose to live in my own cement box.

Last 2 days I've got a new heng dai.
He's really nice to me. lol.
Reminds me of Tzun. a lot.
ahh.. I hope this doesn't suddenly turn 180 degrees like T did.
I could feel it asking me,
"how's ur new guardian angel I've sent you?"
Seriously.. I've felt this before last time. haha.

Don't worry I think I can feel it.

yes.. I'm as creepy as ever..
muuuaaahahahhahahaha~

I think i'm falling in love with Gerard Way's voice.
Doesn't matter if he talks, or sing,
I just need to hear his voice everytime i come back from school.
Creepy? XD
Well I think this will wear off soon.
Just like when I was really into David Cook.
And Tokio Hotel.
And Jang Keun Suk.
Then No Min Woo.

They're... like.. fiction characters to me.
It took me a long time to realize it's impossible for me to meet them.
So now i realize they're just fiction characters.
Sigh*

I've been searching many recent stuff of MCR.
Just to know about them more. LOL.
I'm seriously SICK. in my own way.

Isn't he hot? He puts all his energy into his performances,

Thats why I like him a lot. 

(*drools*)

I just couldn't mix with the girl gang.
Well like what happened in secondary school.
Haha.. it's not supprising to me.
But to realize is what makes me feel painful.

lol seriously. WHY.
I'm a girl too. ==
Its like they reject me from their gang.
I'm not invisible you know..
I'm vulnerable.

To be filled with lies and people who wear masks,
Can you define whats the truth and what will last?
To see sincerity in your life,
Can you see it's just a lie?
To be left out till you can barely believe that you're actually alive.
Can't they see you're barely breathing and at least you tried?
Whether if they could see why,
The sincerity that you decide,
The knives that you believed,
They cut you and made you feel like you died,
Can you treat the wounds that have been forged?
When you're feeling more wretched,
Reach out to the sky like it can be reached,
Deceive those who can be perceived.
And finally live like you're alive.

Lived on as yourself when you feel like dying,
Scream out when you feel like crying,
And be.. be the last one standing.

-JW