it sure feels great. Without the feeling of fearing tomorrow's quiz,
tomorrow's exam, tomorrow's class.
Then dota with my bro. It was crazy,
i think I'm kinda of addicted to it again.
Too bad I only remember how to use one hero..
Anyway we won like a boss.
First blood belongs to meeee.
Then I thought KC should be free by now,
he told me he'd be free by noon.
He promised to come find me like 3 days ago.
Then he told me he'd find me by 5pm.
Then the thought saying that, THATS NOT NOON.
crossed my mind.
Oh well it doesn't matter, was a bit disappointed because,
i got this feeling that we won't meet. after that one meeting.
Later on i went to tesco with my bro,
he wanted to get some snacks and mum wouldn't drive him there.
MH grab his stuff and threw it in his basket like a boss.
I was having this annoying allergy attack,
i took a pill then went to turn to on the aircond in my room,
ignoring the thought that my mum would come nagging me about the electric bill.
I think not even 5 minutes passed,
my mum calls for me, and she tells me KC is already in the house,
half eyed open I drag my zombified body down the stairs,
and there he is, the tall... giant friend of mine.
he introduced this korean reality show to me.
it was kind of funny, i laughed till my jaw was numb.
then it was time for him to go home,
i sent him and we chatted awhile in the car.
I think he doesn't want me to go into the house,
for some reasons, i didn't ask, pretended i didn't realize.
then we sang awhile too in the car, i missed the combination of his voice and mine.
and then he talked about my past. about the fight with me and my dad.
i was trying to hold the ugly image away from my mind,
but he demanded to know the details,
i tried to keep the tears forget the fear,
i can't it's still there, my tears came out just after a few sentences.
i laughed and then told KC i couldn't tell him more,
i don't want to talk about it anymore,
thats the reason i locked up this horrible memory,
i don't want to remember it,
but its still there.
its similar to what WP said to me last night,
even he said, he locked up the horrible memory of the girl he suddenly,
out of nowhere, fell in love with.
It's not gone, when the time comes, he will rmember her and the feeling,
to me, seriously i don't know what made him that way or
what the girl did so bad to make him change or what so ever.
i can feel he is hinting me to ask the question, for us to be together,
or so i thought, i don't know, because all these are just in my own head,
my own mind. they are just merely, my thoughts.
but no, to me, it's pointless to be with someone,
who has another person in mind,
who will cause him to act differently any time.
it's not worth for me, to let him know,
that I have feelings for him.
or even if he knows. I don't really care.
it's just that, it's not the right time.
until he completely forgets his ridiculous memory.
I will try to wipe him from my feelings.
try.. And so i have already tried more than half a year to wipe this feeling.
it feels like a nightmare.
reading what he was saying about that girl.
reading about how he feels.
the feeling of mine is un-describable.
i can feel this... heavy thing on my chest, it was so hard to breathe.
so damn dramatic. the feeling is so dramatic
now i know how Cha Chi Soo feels.
JW
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