-Twenty- JULY 21

SUN

I was really glad he came. Along with his funny friend. But friends can't really get along with him and I know deep down they really hated me for bringing him along. But I don't really care though.. I just want to see him. Then maybe think of what will happen at school later.

I caught ZE staring at my daisy. Pretty annoying though. I know daisy look really gentlemen, but don't stare at him and think no one is looking. She used to boast abt her leng zai bf too. About how he loved her and drives her around with an expensive car. But no one ever saw her with any boy. She lives in her fantasy. Which annoys me too. Basically, the whole package of her annoys me.

MON
Piano class, as usual I know I didn't prepare my song well. So i smiled at my teacher before each song. I think she didn't liked me smiling like that. She stopped me from playing my second song. She asked me to look at her.(I always hated that, asking me to look her in the eye. Because I know she wants to tell me how I suck. again.) It's not like I don't want to know about how I suck, I hate that feeling. I want to change. But saying is easy. To make it come true isn't as easy as saying. She told me I disrespect the piece of music I was given to train on. I didn't like the sound of it at all. Then she also asked me about the poeple around me, the way they looked at me. How did I felt. I know there are a few people in my class that looks down on me. But what can I do..

I can't control their minds either. Teacher then asked me, why did they looked down on me. For one damn sure reason is my grades aren't as good as them. The other is, I don't do homeworks. Because some homework is just a waste of time doing it. When I think of it, they way they try to ignore me, the way they treat me as an invinsible human. Just hurts. alot more than I expected. My 'friends' aren't as true as they seemed to be. So all along I was right. I was alone. In everything, while they accompany each other on everything. I was independent in another way. But this is lonely.

TUE
I was starting to think. Am I being a road block to daisy in his studies. I think I am. even to myself, my own studies. But I hate the fact that if I ever need to part with him. I thought to be stronger, but in the end I just got weaker. The promise I made might just break. I didn't mean anything. I realize I was lonely. Very lonely. And start to think of everytime I write about my life happenings, no matter facing a computer or my diary. I will start crying to myself. Feeling stupid but not sorry. Life isn't easy. Much more harder life for others comparing with mine. But I rather stay poor or un educated to exchange with friends and family warmth. Much more warmth to keep me from harm. I'm greedy. Teacher also says I'm not honest. Yea so what.. I hide the things I shame from admiting. So what. At least it helps me feel better of what I've done.

Hiding from the world is Me.