Just as I started to believe in you,
and putting affections into you.
You hurt me.
I just feel like a bubble.
You don't know what you want.
Stop torturing me.
I don't think things like so are games.
JW
Monday, June 18, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
My heart starts to ache..
June 16 1.08am
The feeling comes to me telling I should write this in chinese.
Yes.. writing it in chinese makes me feel better
Because it seems as if i am talking directly to you.
你的话我只敢相信一半。要我相信得完完全全，只怕会伤到自己。
你所说的话，都会弄得我心软。
是真是假我看不出，是玩还是认真我也看不到。
一点安全感都没有。
如果你感觉到真的是喜欢我，请表达点真心的给我看。
不然，请你搞清楚你对我的感情在解释清楚。
如果还要我假下去我快要做不了了。我很辛苦的，努力的，在压着我对你的感情，
你明白吗？
我希望你是明白的，因为我就快忍不了了。
现在最怕的是，受害的只有我。因为，我就快要真的，真的，喜欢你了。
哎，好累啊。
And the butterfly i caught seems to be flying away too..
dear butterfly..
The feeling comes to me telling I should write this in chinese.
Yes.. writing it in chinese makes me feel better
Because it seems as if i am talking directly to you.
你的话我只敢相信一半。要我相信得完完全全，只怕会伤到自己。
你所说的话，都会弄得我心软。
是真是假我看不出，是玩还是认真我也看不到。
一点安全感都没有。
如果你感觉到真的是喜欢我，请表达点真心的给我看。
不然，请你搞清楚你对我的感情在解释清楚。
如果还要我假下去我快要做不了了。我很辛苦的，努力的，在压着我对你的感情，
你明白吗？
我希望你是明白的，因为我就快忍不了了。
现在最怕的是，受害的只有我。因为，我就快要真的，真的，喜欢你了。
哎，好累啊。
And the butterfly i caught seems to be flying away too..
dear butterfly..
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Can't get the stuff i study in my head.
I was studying history for my very vvery close up coming exam.
I can't seem to focus.
It was few seconds of concentration and then .. a person.
-.-
I decided to eat something weird today for lunch.
Mostly on Sundays i would follow my mum to the club for basketball.
And I will eat lunch there.
I decided to stay at home to study.
So i made something.. i never ate before as a combination.
At first I made noodles. -.-
haven't been cooking since.. few months ago.
Then decided to add an egg.
The egg looks rather nice here.
Until I ate it and realized its too salty. -.-
Weird lunch.
Add coke. <3
Back to study. -.- Needa wash toilet later.
I can't make out if he's toying me or he's really serious.
I'll pretend.. nothing happened between us. -.-
I can't focus.
I can't seem to focus.
It was few seconds of concentration and then .. a person.
-.-
I decided to eat something weird today for lunch.
Mostly on Sundays i would follow my mum to the club for basketball.
And I will eat lunch there.
I decided to stay at home to study.
So i made something.. i never ate before as a combination.
At first I made noodles. -.-
haven't been cooking since.. few months ago.
Then decided to add an egg.
Until I ate it and realized its too salty. -.-
Back to study. -.- Needa wash toilet later.
I can't make out if he's toying me or he's really serious.
I'll pretend.. nothing happened between us. -.-
I can't focus.
JW
Thursday, June 7, 2012
"How's Life?"
This are my answers.
Didn't update my blog much. I guess i was too busy or either too tired to.
Or perhaps just fed up.
May 11 6.36pm
Dinner with usual Gintama accompanying me.
May 12 1.50am
It's late now. And my sister has not returned. I stare quietly at the bed being placed right beside mine. Unable to fall asleep once again. I observed the mess on her bed and wondered when would she come home. I shut my eyes and try to fall asleep again but my mind was still busy and tthe creaking noises in my room are becoming clearer. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep...
May 13 10.05pm
Surprisingly within 2 to 3 minutes i can take up to 26 self shot pics.
(The way the americans says cam whoring is just way too disgusting for me to use on myself.)
May 15 1.32am
I'm listening to music through the iPod, and suddenly a glimpse of myself kissing my dear Tort came into view. As I was getting ready to leave the house. I was going to the states, i was really afraid. Yet others await for the future to come I was afraid of it. The mere future of me living alone and leaving my Tort, mum, my room, my bed, my pillow, blanket..
I shook my head violently to get rid of that scary scene in my head and to prevent the growing tears in my eyes from overflowing. I'm afraid of being alone. Even it seems i can stand to be alone. i was really afraid of it. I can't stand such feelings, and i won't dare to tell my mum or anyone i fear such ridiculous occurring. Foolish me.
Future I fear you, yet i would really want to know the future of me creating programs and firewalls or honeypots.
This mere thoughts are causing me to have slight bipolar symptoms. My mood swings and I don't know which of those are my true ones.
May17 1.33am
Here and again, alone, even she's back it's sstill lonely, the bed a metre awat from me, empty. It seems as though you haven't returned at all, or you had, but just being yourself neglecting family as you had always been. My heart aches. You left me way sooner than you should.
It feels as if I don't recognize you as whom you were anymore. I'm lonely, and when family is the only thing i could lean to, you're not around, mum's too tired to bother. I'm lonely, college friends won't look for me, my bunch of friends are breaking up. I wonder where could I lean to now.
Is it just me being too sensitive, and I'm never alone, then tell me, why am I the only one who feels like there's no one talking to me when I need company. Why is there none who asks me out for group gatherings, ling leans towards her game for company from players in there, me? I can't mix around there, I just can't.
Here and again I listen to my dear and loyal friend who sings to me when I need music. My usual comforting pillow and these sheets that absorbed my tears as they were gentle hands wiping my tears away.
Hence and back again, I'm alone.
May 25 11.20pm
It feels like I'm being used. But I've snapped out of it now. Now I just wanna try to help her as much as possible as I could. I couldn't care less even if she is using me.
It's okay. I don't mind anymore.
May 29 12.05am
Oh dear butterfly, your colors shines so bright.
Oh dear the friendly lies, were they the truth or was it just a lie.
For times that i clutch my heart so hard, that repetitive tears cries in my swollen eyes.
A loyal heart I presented as a dear dear friend.
And the company that you needed and I had spent.
Was it something that you take for granted.
Am I just a comforting object that thou had just accepted?
I weep in the company of loyal objects but not a living with a heart.
May I ask you, where were you when I was in the dark?
Throughout the years that i had lived,
A cold thought told me a true friend cannot be forgot.
And it led to another thought,
" A true friend is never easy to be forgot, because a friend with a loyal heart is never easy to be found and with their heart locked in a box. "
I'm an excuse. But not a friend.
I'm a tool. But never a man.
With my heart that solemnly aches.
Thou will not cared even if it stops.
June 5 11.42pm
Will you be mine, or are you just a pass by-ing little butterfly?
If you are, can you please get out of my head because I'm starting to realize its getting harder to breathe just by looking at you. It aches to know you're just passing by.
My dear little butterfly.
Jun 7 3.04pm
I brought my laptop to school today.
I'm in the train now and the perfume of the Malay ladies are choking me up.
I stuffed my face into the back of my laptop bag.
It has the scent of his car.
while i was in his car my bag must have absorbed the scent.
I'm in trouble now, everything he does and owns looks so wonderful and perfect.
I'm in trouble.
I continues to enjoy the scent with my eyes closed.
He seems very popular with girls I guess i won't be his type.
I'll just sit aside and enjoy the view of this beautiful butterfly.
Didn't update my blog much. I guess i was too busy or either too tired to.
Or perhaps just fed up.
May 11 6.36pm
May 12 1.50am
It's late now. And my sister has not returned. I stare quietly at the bed being placed right beside mine. Unable to fall asleep once again. I observed the mess on her bed and wondered when would she come home. I shut my eyes and try to fall asleep again but my mind was still busy and tthe creaking noises in my room are becoming clearer. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep...
May 13 10.05pm
Surprisingly within 2 to 3 minutes i can take up to 26 self shot pics.
(The way the americans says cam whoring is just way too disgusting for me to use on myself.)
May 15 1.32am
I'm listening to music through the iPod, and suddenly a glimpse of myself kissing my dear Tort came into view. As I was getting ready to leave the house. I was going to the states, i was really afraid. Yet others await for the future to come I was afraid of it. The mere future of me living alone and leaving my Tort, mum, my room, my bed, my pillow, blanket..
I shook my head violently to get rid of that scary scene in my head and to prevent the growing tears in my eyes from overflowing. I'm afraid of being alone. Even it seems i can stand to be alone. i was really afraid of it. I can't stand such feelings, and i won't dare to tell my mum or anyone i fear such ridiculous occurring. Foolish me.
Future I fear you, yet i would really want to know the future of me creating programs and firewalls or honeypots.
This mere thoughts are causing me to have slight bipolar symptoms. My mood swings and I don't know which of those are my true ones.
May17 1.33am
Here and again, alone, even she's back it's sstill lonely, the bed a metre awat from me, empty. It seems as though you haven't returned at all, or you had, but just being yourself neglecting family as you had always been. My heart aches. You left me way sooner than you should.
It feels as if I don't recognize you as whom you were anymore. I'm lonely, and when family is the only thing i could lean to, you're not around, mum's too tired to bother. I'm lonely, college friends won't look for me, my bunch of friends are breaking up. I wonder where could I lean to now.
Is it just me being too sensitive, and I'm never alone, then tell me, why am I the only one who feels like there's no one talking to me when I need company. Why is there none who asks me out for group gatherings, ling leans towards her game for company from players in there, me? I can't mix around there, I just can't.
Here and again I listen to my dear and loyal friend who sings to me when I need music. My usual comforting pillow and these sheets that absorbed my tears as they were gentle hands wiping my tears away.
Hence and back again, I'm alone.
May 25 11.20pm
It feels like I'm being used. But I've snapped out of it now. Now I just wanna try to help her as much as possible as I could. I couldn't care less even if she is using me.
It's okay. I don't mind anymore.
May 29 12.05am
Oh dear butterfly, your colors shines so bright.
Oh dear the friendly lies, were they the truth or was it just a lie.
For times that i clutch my heart so hard, that repetitive tears cries in my swollen eyes.
A loyal heart I presented as a dear dear friend.
And the company that you needed and I had spent.
Was it something that you take for granted.
Am I just a comforting object that thou had just accepted?
I weep in the company of loyal objects but not a living with a heart.
May I ask you, where were you when I was in the dark?
Throughout the years that i had lived,
A cold thought told me a true friend cannot be forgot.
And it led to another thought,
" A true friend is never easy to be forgot, because a friend with a loyal heart is never easy to be found and with their heart locked in a box. "
I'm an excuse. But not a friend.
I'm a tool. But never a man.
With my heart that solemnly aches.
Thou will not cared even if it stops.
June 5 11.42pm
Will you be mine, or are you just a pass by-ing little butterfly?
If you are, can you please get out of my head because I'm starting to realize its getting harder to breathe just by looking at you. It aches to know you're just passing by.
My dear little butterfly.
Jun 7 3.04pm
I brought my laptop to school today.
I'm in the train now and the perfume of the Malay ladies are choking me up.
I stuffed my face into the back of my laptop bag.
It has the scent of his car.
while i was in his car my bag must have absorbed the scent.
I'm in trouble now, everything he does and owns looks so wonderful and perfect.
I'm in trouble.
I continues to enjoy the scent with my eyes closed.
He seems very popular with girls I guess i won't be his type.
I'll just sit aside and enjoy the view of this beautiful butterfly.
JW
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