The reacting way.

Don't give out white threats.
It'll always makes people misunderstood the actual cause of that reason.

Don't say things you don't mean.
It hurts people. Even if you don't mean it.


It's ridiculous.


Do not blame on people who treats you the wrong way.
Think what have you've done to achieve such treachery.



We could always choose to change.
If we choose to realize.

- Signed: JW -

Drawings I've Drawn Recently

 Most of these are drawn according to the story I'm writing.

This is Ader Haley Ravenior Byakurai.

Even I have some difficulties in remembering the character's names that I gave. XD

 On the right that's Red.

On the left this is Wonoah de Arkelf Kylener.

Kyle here is a bind weapon to Ader.

Basically, Ader is his master. He transforms into a scythe when the 'saiken' is activated.

Well this is a random drawing.. Pointing a... middle finger.
Basically.. I was pissed when I was drawing it. =D 

This was the drawing I drew right after I have drawn the one on the top of it.

This is miniature Wonoah de Arkelf Kylener. =D 
He will transform into that shape and size when he's outta fuel.
'His fuel.' 

Ader in Seint mode.

Kid time Ader, typical.. Begging for candy. 

"Symbolism of the crescent. Scatter butterflies...
...Awaken akuma ...Uchi."


"Activated Umarete kuru buki, Wonoah de Arkelf Kylener."


(Kyle's wing mode and attacking mode.) 

Random drawing~
Actually.. The hair is the only thing I seem to like about this picture.

"Crescent of the moon Alight...
...Wonoah de Arkelf Kylener Awaken...
...Activating Saiken."



(As you can see, it's still unfinished. I can't decide what shoes to let her wear.)

Another random drawing. Well... As you can see... My brother kinda destroyed it. So I didn't plan to finish the drawing. 

Ader in human mode.

Adelle, Ader's cousin brother.


(Girly guy though.)

Ader asking in return for what Red(the boy on the ground)'s friends took.

Hoho~ I'm just giving myself leads on what to draw. If not it'll be just a useless drawing.

-Signed: JW-

DEC 28 2010

It seems that I suddenly realize why do I write so much nonsense and stories that no one will be interested except me. How unique I make them it's useless. 

My home.. reminds me of where I truly stand. The pages I've written with my own hands, even till they ache I wouldn't even stop writing. It was too interesting to carry on writing. It was like watching a movie to me. It was like I could see the characters talking or fighting or do whatever I write. It was like watching the best TV you could get on earth.

The joints of my fingers ache every time I finally stopped writing. Satisfied with the current idea in my mind. But it seems worthless anyway. The pages.. The note books I've filled with my ideas, they're all still locked in a box. Seems like it's just a rotten box which no one will open even to peek at it. 

Even if I'm really tired, I would stay up late to enjoy the quietness and write and draw. It really hurts my hand muscles and I couldn't play the piano properly the next day. They shake every time I tried to reach for a note. 

Anyway, I didn't like playing the piano a lot. It was because my sister was getting so much attention just because she could play it well. I tried to do as she could. It couldn't be done. It wouldn't work. No one notices a person who plays with broken chords.  


I guess now I truly realize why I decided to learn piano.


No one would accept someone who didn't seem to work at anything important that said,


"I'm tired."


Well I've found out I'm that type of person. What the hell. haha... silly me.


As for you.
If you weren't so pushy. I will get it right this time. Please just stop and let me handle my stuff this time. I'll try. But don't push.

'Never try to push a bird that doesn't want to fly down the tree. because you may kill it.'

I finally realize why do I write so much worthless words. 
It was just to write to give me a reason to draw about what I'm writing which no one sees or reads. 

I promised myself not to cry for nothing anymore. But the tears just flow out as they pleased. Every time i tried to think why did I cry again. 

Ridiculously...
I couldn't remember.


I promised.


I was crying uncontrollably the last time I was at the music centre. 
Anyway my teacher was in a bad mood.
She was shouting at me like I'm a dog or something. As usual.
I tried to think really hard why was I crying. But the harder I think, the more I cried and I still couldn't get why was I crying so badly.

Was it because, I will miss her?
was it because, I will miss the piano?
was it because, I was disappointed with myself that I gave up?
was it because, I failed to get what I wanted?
was it because, ...


I hope she won't be angry......
.......
She wouldn't... She might be just as happy to lose a student like me.
She always told me how far back I was from her other students anyway..

I wouldn't gave up no matter what when I was small.
Because it seems I will disappoint many others around me.
But now that I realize. Even if I was the one suffering. No one encouraged.
Even though I know they will be disappointed, I guessed no one ever stood on my side thinking how would I feel.
I wish... I could just...
Shout this out loud...


"I'M NO LOSER! I FIGHT TO LIVE! AND LIVE IS WHAT I PLAN TO! GOD DAMN IT!"

'You can tell she's not happy with her life.'
'Is she building this unhappy life of herself?'
'Why would she? Is this torture?'

JW

This is how I feel like. Chained. Locked. Enclosed.

23 ƉЄƆ

The things that I put effort in was never noticed anyway. 
You guys just see what you want.
Praise only when I show.
But never to encourage in anything. 
Things I hate and things I love to do.
Wasn't encouraged at all.
All you do is push.
Who is to be standing in a condition like that.

[ ĴƜ ]

22 Ɖɛc

Leave me alone. Pushing doesn't really works. Why do you not seek for why and just care for others. Her way of teaching makes me sick. I'm not a dog. From small till now, she's always yelling at me. Piano is not army drilling, it's not the way I want to learn something. It's not right. I don't like it.

Make me and you will all regret it. I'm rebellious.. Don't ever forget that.

JW  

 

15 Ɖɛc Ɯтн? αиσтнɛя вα∂ ∂яɛαм? =ω=

What I held in my hands is my beloved school bag. Its nothing special. Just a cloth old looking bag. Which I like a lot. Still trembling from what happen. I was all wet and soggy. my bag was too. My remaining friends gathered around me.They still think it's a joke of what happened at back at the old looking.. wooden.. kind of french looking restaurant. But I was feeling rather scared. 

Well I can't really remembered what was so important I was trying to protect. Protecting it from being taken away from someone. Being betrayed. That was all I remembered. But nothing more.
 
I was kinda one of my friend's birthday. Xiao Hei's birthday I think. She wanted to celebrate it in a old looking place. She says its more fun. But that place looks rather torn down. The kitchen ovens were old and dirty. The surrounding is all.. basically.. OLD.

Her whole class members were all there. A few from my class. And weirdest thing... Daisy was there too. It wasn't the first time of me dreaming about something and he was there. All I know in all of the dreams he were there, he always held my hand tightly. Not letting me away from him more than an inch. It felt safe though. 

 So we were all eating weird dinner. I was carrying my school as usual. Inside my bag from my memory in that dream.. They were suppose to be my sketching book and my usual writing book of many crazy story ideas I have and my drawing tool kit of course. But at that time I was very scared. Because what inside my bag was holding.. Is not it's usual contents. I sat at a old wooden bench where everyone was also sitting on and ate quietly. The others just laugh loudly and goof around. They look like they were all drunk. But they really aren't they just seem so red and hot because of the oven I said. It was old and dirty. But xiao hei insist it'll work like normal to cook food.

Daisy was sitting beside me, I didn't really saw his expression nor what was he doing at that time. Because I felt really weird. Like something bad is going to happen. It wasn't right. The heat from the kitchen, oven. Was a bit... too hot. The whole place gotten warmer and no one seems to notice. I held my bag tightly afraid someone is going to jump out from the kitchen and snatch it. I still can't remember what was so important inside the bag though...

One of xiao hei's classmate gotten too playful and ran towards the kitchen. I wanted to rush to the boy to stop him but Daisy knocked me over and a big big flame burst out from the kitchen. As I was falling and hit the ground along with Daisy hugging me from behind I saw the boy's face melting away. It was being pealed away, his face, his nose slowly melted away, his ears fall off, his eye balls melting, eye sockets going empty. He wanted to scream but nothing came out from his throat but just a small croaked whine. It was horrible. Then one of his arm torn off. A fat lady from behind plucks off his head and smiled at me. The other students scream and ran around wildly. The whole 'restaurant' was literally burning down.

' R...run... R-RUN! RUN FOR THE EXITS YOU BASTARDS??!!!!' I shouted while Daisy was trying to pull me up.

The fat lady wasn't human at all. She came up from the flames. The boy in her arms turns to black gooey as soon as she plucked off his head. The smell was ... horrible. Disgusting. 

Xiao hei and Daisy pulled me up and we rushed to the exit while i was looking back at the fat lady smirking at me. Three of us fell over just after we exited the entrance. A big explosion booms from behind. The sound was deafening. We flew a few inches away from the 'restaurant' caused by the explosion. 

The fat lady arise from the broken fence around the in flame ruin looking 'restaurant'. She was ... floating in the air.. Looking down at the three of us. I stare up at her turning my back a bit. She was holding my schoolbag. She smiled even wider once she saw my horrified expression.

'HEY! Give that back you fatso! ' I shouted and got up to my feet pulling Daisy up as well.

As the fat lady wanted to say something. Xiao Hei leaped from her side and snatched the bag away. Then we ran really hard away from the screaming people and fat lady. =.=||

We ran really far. I was nearly out of breath and it started to rain really heavily. I was nearly left behind because I can't see the rain drops kept poking into my eyes. But Daisy's warm hand was helding on mine really hard it wouldn't budge if someone even knocked over. He pulls me ahead and we finally came to a stop at Xiao Hei's house. It looked different in my dream. It's still a terrace house, but not as filled with plants like the real one. We were all panting and Xiao Hei drops my bag on the ground of her lawn. 

'我都不明白你那么gan jeong 你的书包做么。' Xiao hei said while panting.

I look at Daisy and we shared the same expression. It was like he knew the bag was really important too. Like he knew what was in the bag and gave it to me to look after it. I can't remember... What WAS IT??? 

I forced a smiled at Xiao Hei and told her I should get home. She told me to rest first at her house or something. Then Daisy said he gotta go. I don't feel good when he left. He raced for his car and left.

The next thing that freaked me out is what Xiao hei said.
'做么你书包那么重的？我手要断掉了啦刚刚跑的时候！'

Why would it be heavy? It wasn't heavy when I was holding it. 
I really don't want to hold my bag anymore but I forced myself to bring it in her house. The other remaining friend's gathered around me. They finally got back safely. They seem to still think it's a joke. Even xiao hei doesn't seem scared of what happened.

They were all laughing but I wasn't listening to what they say,
'喂...我觉得...' I said.

Their laughter dies off and all focused on me.
'做么？' one of them asked.

 '我觉得...书包不对劲...'I said feeling very scared. I was trembling.

They burst out laughing. All of them. But it wasn't funny to me. I don't feel humilated too even they laughed so hard.
One of my Xiao hei's classmate tried to rub the bag on my face while laughing. I leaned back trembling even more. Then he drops it in front of me. The sound was... weird.. A thud sound. Really not right...

'打开来看看咯！' one of them said. 

I extended my shaking hand and reached for the zip of my bag. It felt.. Moist.. not because it was wet caused by the rain. But it felt... like soapy. no..not soapy.. It felt like.. Wet.. hair..


They were heavy laughter around me.. But I was all numbed towards the sound. Then one of xiao hei's friend opens my bag and pours all it's contents out. The content's hits my head one by one. Total count.. 4 hits.. Their laughter dies off and turns into screams. I looked down. It was a human head. Disfigured, cut into 4 parts. It's hair was falling off. All wet. I didn't scream. Nor gave any responds. I just sat there listening to the others screaming.


Then I finally woke up. But ... there was something to calm me down before I woke. I couldn't remember what.. All I got in my memory was, me calling Daisy, unable to speak. Then he was there. Beside me. Patting my head talking to me, but i couldn't hear what he said. I just kept crying. Looking into his eyes. Just.. crying.


I just wanted to note down about dreams I have. Weird. I never like these dreams. Runing away from scary things. Always the same.. Bad dreams bad dreams~ When will you go away~


And i say.... GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD BAD DREAMS! DAMN YOU SUCKA!~

DEC 12 2010

Just back from my trip. People were very rude in China. I feel like killing them. =.=And they have this behaviour spitting anywhere they want. It was disgusting seeing what they do. It was much better in Hong Kong. In Shanghai, China, they wore really cool clothings. Most of the people who walks around. Girls were all pretty and put on make up. Guys wore shirts like they were going to a show. weird..

Well I'm sick. Coughing like hell. Nose blocked. =D But I'm still living. Anyway, finally can message him whenever I want. I hate the fact of being in another country and it costs alot just to message the persons you wanted to. Sien..

 


















[JW]