Things I think about when I can't sleep 1

I realized that he doesn't really appreciates when I tell him everything revolving my life. 

He doesn't really pays attention. And he doesn't does the same to me telling abou this life.

So I recently stopped telling him about what happened about recent things that I encountered. 

He hasn't noticed yet. But the. Again who would notice. I'm such a fool waiting for stupid things to happen.

Anyway I recently realize he doesn't appreciates my presence while he can see me every day.

I feel like it isn't fair for me. Because I never take someone's presence for granted but he does and he doesn't realize it.

Until something happened today then he started giving me the attention he used to give me when we were still friends or fresh couples. I'm sad that he acts this way. Is there no one who would appreciate me even they could see me every day? 

Wen 

All alone

Impatient.
Ill tempered.
Inconsiderate.
Vengeful.

If there is a chance where I get to get away from all this. I will do it. And I don't think I would get myself involved. Ever again.

It just pains me to feel how could someone do something so small, and is able to affect me in such a big portion of my emotions. I hate it. It feels stupid. Why can I be controlled so easily. It's not fair. Why am I always the sensitive and weaker one. Never once it felt like it will work out.

I'm counting down. The times something like this happen. It's not the first time already and I will remember it.

The worst of all, I'm in a situation where I couldn't turn to anyone. I don't know who to turn to. Who could talk to make me feel better. I'm too selfish to actually turn to anyone because I know none of them can make me feel better. I'm selfish. But yes, I rather keep this in my heart than talk it out to feel 'slightly' better. I don't want to feel a bit better.
I wan to feel better completely.

As this goes on, I only learn more that in this world if I don't pity myself, or make myself feel better, no one can and no one would. Sadly, this is my life. I can't let myself fall and whimper over stuff like this.

But playing the tough one all the time is tiring. Just so tiring.

I don't know how to feel better. I'm stuck. ...

-Wen